If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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