when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize