Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
