So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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