Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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