have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
