just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize