I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
May the power of my ass compel you!!
you never un-have a 4some
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
