who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
