i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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