he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize