He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
