theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
