She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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