I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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