May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
