I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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