Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
