remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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