He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize