My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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