I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize