Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
