As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
