Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
