If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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