I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
