there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i think i just lost a toe
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