He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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