You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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