I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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