stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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