well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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