Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
