I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize