We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
