She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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