Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
