she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
