Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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