yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize