I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
