I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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