I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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