just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
