my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
