I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize