how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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