you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
