so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
