And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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