i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize