I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
