In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I FOUND THE LEGS
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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