Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
