You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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