Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
