You really coming over, don't trick.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
