I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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