My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
