I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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