look no pants
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
