Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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