um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
