She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
