Dual....:-)
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
