When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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