you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
