My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
