I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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