Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
pop tarts are not kleenex
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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