It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You made out with two different species that night
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
