She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
