About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
