was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Randomize
