he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
