I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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