I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
