i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
