I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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