whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
