Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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