im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
