My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize