Sry I called you an 8
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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