Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
