We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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