You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
